An honest look at effort, roles, and initiator resentment in friendships
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This month’s anonymous letter about being “the planner” is a HOT topic! I got the letter below in the Dear Nina inbox around the same time that two similar letters showed up in my Facebook group. Clearly people are fed up with being the initiator and logistics coordinator. Let’s discuss.
I am the unofficial but definitely designated social planner for a group of seven ladies who get together monthly. It started that way 10+ years ago and has remained that way ever since.
We’ve tried rotating who makes the plan each month (because I suggested it, of course). But it doesn’t usually happen unless I or one other friend initiates the plans. They tell me, “We’d be a mess without you,” or “We’d never see each other without you.”
It makes me wonder if the friendships may not be that important to the women if they don’t initiate, however, whenever we get together they thank me for getting us together.
So I suppose if I like seeing them and they also all enjoy it, I keep doing it? But why can’t they all be adults and take a turn? Do you think it’s a personality trait? Or do they not care enough. What do you think?
Thanks! Sick of Being the Cruise Director
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