Can We Offer Alternatives to Anger and Despair That Meet Our Current MomentHow can we become more interdependent on each other at a time of rampant self-serving individualism?
To even write about the current crisis in America seems to require saying something that proves or identifies the crisis for those not yet convinced we are in a crisis. That simple act of proving reality to skeptics is when the wheels start falling off for me. We are so saturated in propaganda, infotainment, and reactionary rage bait on social media that we seemingly have to begin any discussion about our current crisis with proof of the crisis. That is maddening, and I presume that at least some people desperately want things to be this way to keep us divided, distracted, disdainful, and despairing. I’m sure there are more words that start with “d” that would help describe the current moment. In the hope of moving toward something better, I’m going to skip spelling out the details of our current crisis and move on to beginning some sort of response. We have a fire hose of bad news each day. It seems our country is run by people who diligently try to figure out the worst thing they could do, devote all of their energy to doing it, and, when called to account, claim to be doing the best thing. If we don’t have the lowest of the low running our country right now, it’s only because they aren’t intelligent enough to find a way to go any lower than they already are. How should we respond to this onslaught of daily crises, violence, inhumanity, and injustice? I have a thought that stems from an observation someone made of the current political class running our country. This class is selfish, self-serving, and grotesquely individualistic. They are gathering as much power and wealth for themselves and their allies while they can, and everything they do aims to serve themselves. Our response is to ask how we can become more interdependent on each other, how we can love our neighbors, and how we can build stronger bonds in our communities. I don’t think that most of us have the capacity for large projects. I’m thinking about things like donating food, volunteering where we can, sharing resources with others, and building understanding when possible. I continue to invest time into artistic projects like oil pastels and woodworking because these are skills I can use to help others, to give people gifts they enjoy, or to pass on creative skills to others. Of course, there’s the daily practice of prayer as well, working hard to let go of the anger and despair that so easily takes hold and creating a clear space for God to speak into my life. Although I remain devastated by the horrible failure of Christians in America to hold such an evil man in power to the basic standards of moral decency, we can find renewal to love our neighbors if we remember how deeply we are loved by God. I’m not offering a perfect path forward to help us make it through this terribly perilous moment in our country, but we have to start somewhere. The place I’m starting is recognizing the temptation to become overwhelmed by the flood of anger and negativity in this moment and then embracing practices that move me toward a healthier, more sustainable place. If we can end today by saying no to despair and yes to love and community, we will have hope to continue when the sun comes up tomorrow. Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash You're currently a free subscriber to Ed Cyzewski :: Author // Contemplative // Maker. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Friday, 20 March 2026
Can We Offer Alternatives to Anger and Despair That Meet Our Current Moment
Tuesday, 17 March 2026
Starting Over Socially (Even If You Didn’t Plan To)
Starting Over Socially (Even If You Didn’t Plan To)When friendships fall apart and everyone else seems to be thriving
This month’s anonymous letter is about how sometimes friendships fall apart or quietly shift, and you’re left without the people you used to lean on. Meanwhile, social media makes it look like everyone else is surrounded by friends. We get at what’s really going on as well as how to find your way back to connection, one manageable step at a time. Dear Nina,I’m in my final year of college, and I’ve had a fallout with my friends. Since then, I’ve had nobody in my corner to vent to. It’s been hard to make new friends as I am not an extrovert. In all honesty, I am lonely. I follow other people's happiness on Snapchat or Instagram, and I feel like I’m the only one with nothing going on. How can I make friends? Thanks, Lonely in College
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Thursday, 12 March 2026
The Quiet Shame of Not Reaching Out to Your Friends
The Quiet Shame of Not Reaching Out to Your FriendsWhy silence in a friendship isn’t always about "not caring"
One of the most common friendship complaints I hear is some version of this: I’m always the one who reaches out first. I always initiate the plans or even just the texts. If I didn’t reach out, we wouldn’t be friends. Sometimes the person telling me this has already run the experiment. They stop texting first. They stop initiating plans. They wait to see what happens. (I’m very against testing your friends by the way. Communicate!) And when nothing happens for a while, the conclusion feels obvious. The friend fails the test and the person writing to me says, “I guess the friendship mattered more to me than it did to them.” In my recent conversation (episode #187) with Cate Osborn and Erik Gude, the authors of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, we talked about something that complicates the “my friend doesn’t care” story. And that is—shame. Specifically, we discussed the quiet shame that builds when someone hasn’t reached out for a while. Cate and Erik shed light on the person who does not reach out rather than the person waiting for the text. PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR THIS POINT OF VIEW. Cate described a pattern many people with ADHD will recognize. At first, you forget to respond or follow up. A few days pass. Maybe a few weeks. At some point you notice the gap and think, Oh no, it’s been way too long. I don’t even know what to say. The embarrassment you feel means more time will pass. There’s also the shame of friends being “out of sight, out of mind” when you have ADHD and knowing you’re likely being judged for it. It’s not about “not caring.” It’s about not having a system in place to remember to reach out just to chat or to make plans. It might be about not knowing when you’re even free to see that person or talk. Planning ahead can also be difficult for people with ADHD. Communication is key and too rarely usedMeanwhile, you might not realize you’ve failed a your friend’s test. None of this erases the hurt and frustration on the other side. Feeling like you’re the only one initiating a friendship is exhausting. That feeling deserves attention and could be solved by one honest conversation. Cate described in the episode what that type of friend-conversation could look and sound like from both sides of the equation. Not everyone is a texter!Erik reminded us that not everyone can manage the barrage of texts that are part of modern-day friendships. He described how he tells any new friend, “I’m not a texter.” And he’s really not a group texter! Erik explained that if someone has an issue with that or is going to always take it personally, he gets that texting is their preference, but it probably means they can’t be close friends. He encouraged people to be upfront about how they like to communicate early in a friendship to avoid assumptions and problems later on. The Friendship Calendar“The friendship calendar” that Cate created for herself is one of many helpful ideas for adults with ADHD who are trying to manage their friendships. She described a simple system that reminds her to check in with people she cares about by writing down who she’s going to reach out to and on what day. Without it, she explained, months would pass even though it’s never her intention to forget to reach out. FOR MORE: Listen to episode #187 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you get to podcasts!
Articles and Other Friendship Links
Books, Shows, Finds, and Recipes
Two Anonymous Letters You Might Have Missed
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them! Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | My Website
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Can We Offer Alternatives to Anger and Despair That Meet Our Current Moment
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