After speaking with grief coach and this week’s guest, Shelby Forsythia, author of the upcoming book, Of Course I’m Here Right Now, I’ve been thinking about how narrowly we define loss for ourselves and how we acknowledge it in a friend’s life.
We show up well when someone dies. There are rituals, language, and expectations for that kind of grief. But loss also comes with divorce, estrangement, a diagnosis that changes everything, the quiet end of a friendship, your sense of safety, your faith, or the life you thought you were going to have but don’t for any number of reasons.
In my conversation with Shelby, she talks about how people often don’t get support during these moments because their loss doesn’t “count” in the obvious way it does with the death of a loved one. There’s no funeral and no clear thing to say, so friends stay quiet with fear of saying the wrong thing.
Shelby pointed out how this silence can become a secondary loss, and our conversation centered on the three things you CAN say to a friend.
What I loved about the episode was how we did not focus what “not to say.” Instead Shelby offered her three helpful phrases and explained why they work. You can find those three phrases in the episode!
Listen to episode #182 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
I’m constantly seeing friendship-related essays. Sometimes they come from YOU, the readers and listeners. Keep them coming!
Previous Dear Nina guest, Dr. Jackie Henry, wrote a beautiful piece from Minneapolis called “Neighboring.”
“‘You don’t owe anyone anything’ and how Gen Z is misusing therapy speak”
I was the guest expert at The Skimm in early January. Scroll down in their weekly newsletter from January 10th to see how I answered a question about running into a former close friend.
New for 2026! You can dedicate a week of the show to a friend.
Maybe it’s your friend’s milestone birthday and a group of you wants to go in together for a shoutout on the show.
Your friend completed a big goal: a marathon, a new degree, a new job, a big move, etc.
You have a friend who has really shown up for you and you want to give a big public thank you.
You can record the shoutout yourself so that its heard in your voice. OR, I will record it and the dedication will be heard in my voice. More details are here.
READING: I listened to the audio of Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden. I found her ex-husband’s sudden about-face very chilling. Quick and good read. My updated 2006 list has the books I’m in the middle of now.
TV: I’ve been out of town and/or annoyingly sick for the past two weeks. In that time without my usual schedule in place, I finished—I can’t believe I’m saying this—all 5 seasons of Stranger Things. The series finale was so satisfying. I loved it all, but I’m also relieved to be done. It was scary!
RECIPE: I’ve made several recipes from Jennifer Fisher’s new-ish cookbook over the past few weeks. With or without her recipes, Jennifer’s salt trio would make a great gift for a friend or a thoughtful, easy hostess gift.
Sahā Quest – A Global Friendship Club Built on Rituals, Not Random Encounters
Most adult friendships don’t fall apart because of one big fight; they fade because we don’t have built-in rituals that bring us back together. Sahā Quest is a members-only global friendship club for curious, accomplished people who want to change that.
Members connect through small-group trips where you spend real time with the same people then see them again at future gatherings year after year. It’s not a one-off retreat or conference; it’s a structure for building a small circle of friends you can grow old with, across borders.
If that sounds like something you’ve been missing, you can apply to join at sahaquest.com.
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!
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