The Violent Will Always Find Another Reason to Live by the SwordAmericans are led by people who use violence to solve problems, but Jesus warned us that violence only generates more problems.
There are a lot of different ways to live your life as a person and to exist as a society. For better or worse, in America, we tend to “live” by the economy and market. There are a lot of ways we can “live” as individuals and as a nation. We can “live” by prayer, community, individualism, alliances, education, innovation, and, most famously, we can live by violenece—living by the sword. Jesus said that those who live by the sword will die by the sword, and that makes me think that there is a type of person who embraces violence as a way of life. The sword is a zero-sum approach to life that only stops when it’s overcome by someone stronger. The violent don’t easily stop and reflect on their ways without someone else intervening. If you live by the sword, you rely on the sword and you believe that violence can solve problems and get what you want. If something doesn’t work out, you didn’t use enough violence or the right kind of violence. Commitment to violence as a way to live doesn’t invite reflection and consideration. The solution is violence no matter what the problem may be. It can be hard to argue against violence at times because it’s now removed from the faces of people who are killed. The target is acquired on a screen like a computer game and then neutralized by a drone, missile, or shell. We can always be convinced that they deserved it and somehow wronged us first. This violent action is supposed to resolve the chain reaction of conflict the other side started. “If we can just get this missile strike to take out the bad guys, we can finally be safe and free!” The weapons change, but the lies of violence reamin the same. We should know that we are only perpetuating more violent responses that can be used to justify more violence. The violent prove themselves as untrustworthy and make it nearly impossible to negotiate peace or to build safety. Who can live at peace with someone who lives by the sword? Ironically, the violent create their own self-justifying cycle to continue using the sword over and over again. As they create fear, hate, and a thirst for revenge among their enemies, living by the sword appears to be the only “sane” way to live in this insane cycle of violence. The death and Resurrection of Jesus looms large over our current situation right now where God showed us the way to respond to violence and hate. It appears weak, even if it requires strength beyond what I can imagine. God’s way challenges us to stop thinking of all the reasons why we could strike back at our enemies and to start thinking of all the ways we could demonstrate God’s radical love. That’s not the kind of message that wins elections, but it is the sort of thing that could save our souls. You're currently a free subscriber to Ed Cyzewski :: Author // Contemplative // Maker. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Friday, 17 April 2026
The Violent Will Always Find Another Reason to Live by the Sword
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SO sorry to waste precious inbox space. But yes, I have a fun post coming up soon with all the friendship metaphors that come from playing tennis. I always duplicate the format of an old post when writing new ones. So you got half the birthday post from a few weeks ago. That is actually HERE if you want to read the whole thing. Have a great weekend and carry on, Nina You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. Curious about those once-a-month emails behind the paywall? The anonymous letters (and my answers!) come from the rawest places of friendship uncertainty. They deserve the most sensitive readers who are not going to roll their eyes, leave troll-ish comments, or make the letter-writer feel foolish for asking. If you’re willing to upgrade to this part of the newsletter, I know you’re there with the best of intentions to be part of a community that’s not afraid to ask the tough questions and who will read the answers with an open heart and an open mind. If that’s you, join us! I’d love to have you there.
© 2026 Nina Badzin |
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Hi, I’m Nina and I foster the conversations about FRIENDSHIP that many of us are thinking about, but are too afraid to say out loud. The most vulnerable conversations are the monthly ones behind the paywall, which I protect to keep things kind. Join us there! (Assuming you’re not unkind). How did Debra pull this perfect birthday off with different friends throughout the day? She created a Signup Genius and let people choose what to join. She also added a weekend brunch option at her house for anyone who couldn’t make the weekday events. Did this mean that some people came to parts of the day where they (gasp) didn’t know each other? YES. And that’s because Debra, like many adults, doesn’t have one set group of friends. We had a great discussion about that in the episode. You should listen! But now you know enough to understand the rest of this post. The sore spots:While some listeners felt energized by the idea of planning their birthdays (whether that’s a party, a series of smaller events like Debra did, or a one-on-one lunch/coffee/walk), others had a very different reaction. This did not surprise me. It’s exactly why I wanted to do this episode! For many of you, birthdays have become an emotional checkpoint that raises questions about your friendships and your place in other people’s lives. (It doesn’t have to be this way, but I know how common it is.)
Reflecting . . .This is all not really about the plans or even the texts. It’s about what those gestures represent—feeling remembered, chosen, and valued in a visible way. Here’s the thing: most people aren’t thinking about how to plan your birthday. And that’s not because they don’t care. They’re making assumptions. They assume you already have plans, or prefer something low-key, or that you don’t like to make a big deal of it. Without clear signals, people fill in the blanks. And for people who plan their own birthdays, they may not see it as their responsibility to also plan yours. As you will hear in episode 190 of Dear Nina, I do not think you should rely on others to plan your birthday when you’re an adult. (To each their own, but that expectation often leads to frusteration and resentment.) Instead: use your birthday as an opportunity to be BE INVITING. It’s a rare time in a year to let others know you value them and you’d like for them to be part of your special day or week. On a hopeful note, some of you who’ve been waiting for others to plan and have felt disappointed said you’re willing to try something different. Not a big party, necessarily, but a shift toward planning a day that reflects what you actually want—and inviting people into it, the way Debra did. Not because it guarantees anything, but because it gives you a sense of agency. Final thoughtsBirthdays will probably always carry some emotional weight. But they don’t have to function as a test of your friendships, and they don’t have to be something you dread. You’re allowed to want to be celebrated, and you’re allowed to feel hurt when you’re not. Both can be true alongside the idea that you may need to take a more active role in shaping what your birthday looks like going forward. Make it easier for people to celebrate you. Assume they want to, but may need some guidance from you, and that guidance might be YOU doing the planning. I’m grateful you shared your stories with me. I’m still thinking about all of it, and yes, still figuring out how I want to celebrate my 50th in December. 🎂🥳🎈 Listen to episode #190 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you get your podcasts! 📣 SHOUT OUT A FRIENDWant to recognize a friend in a big public way? Dedicate a week of the podcast to your friend for any reason. Some ideas below:
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Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them! Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | My Website You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. Curious about those once-a-month emails behind the paywall? The anonymous letters (and my answers!) come from the rawest places of friendship uncertainty. They deserve the most sensitive readers who are not going to roll their eyes, leave troll-ish comments, or make the letter-writer feel foolish for asking. If you’re willing to upgrade to this part of the newsletter, I know you’re there with the best of intentions to be part of a community that’s not afraid to ask the tough questions and who will read the answers with an open heart and an open mind. If that’s you, join us! I’d love to have you there.
© 2026 Nina Badzin |
The Violent Will Always Find Another Reason to Live by the Sword
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