In this month’s anonymous letter “Eva” is grieving a friendship that hasn’t ended, but no longer feels the same. Eva’s friend still calls Eva “my person” and insists nothing has changed, yet Eva doesn’t feel included in the regular, everyday parts of her life anymore. She believes this friend would show up in a crisis, but she doesn’t want an “emergency-only” friendship.
Your episode three years ago with author Jo Piazza about calling vs. texting as well as when you know the person always has their phone in their hand but doesn’t respond for days hit a cord. I hope you can help me navigate a friendship issue that has been plaguing me for quite sometime.
This friend who takes forever to respond now is like family, and I know that if I needed anything, she would be there. However, she just isn’t there on the regular. She says she is, but I hear from her less and less. So while I know she’d be there if something major came up, I didn’t want this to become an “emergency only” friendship.
I’ve confronted her and asked what shifted, but she can’t acknowledge a shift. I’m ok if there has been a change, I just want to know what caused it. She claims to be “my person” but doesn’t make the effort to know what’s going on. I have pulled back, and I know this.
So my question is, how do you accept a shift in a friendship when the other person can’t acknowledge or take any responsibility for said shift? And how do you accept that a friendship has changed when you never really wanted it to change to begin with? Not to mention, how do you accept all of this when you feel unsatisfied by the shift.
Thank you! “Eva”
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