How Divorce Changes Your FriendshipsAnd what friends can do to help along the way. (Mainly, don't disappear!)
This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship (episode #176) I covered Divorce and the impact on your friendships. My guest was divorce coach, Hope Lutz Firsel, who has been through a divorce and has helped countless women. We spoke about what a person who is in the middle of a divorce or recently divorced is experiencing and what a friend can do to help. Of course in 30 minutes we could not possibly represent everyone’s experiences, but some conversations in the private Dear Nina Facebook Community and elsewhere allowed me to continue the discussion here on Substack. Social Isolation After DivorceListeners told me they were shocked by how socially isolating divorce felt. They expected friends to check in, ask how they were really doing, and stay steady, but instead it felt like friends avoided them, hurried off the topic, or treated them as if divorce were somehow contagious. One listener told me, “Losing friendships was honestly worse than the divorce itself.” Another listener shared that she had poured so much into her marriage and the kids that her friendships were already on thin ice, so rebuilding those connections in midlife felt nearly impossible, even with real effort. Others talked about friends disappearing because they didn’t know how to support them, or because they felt pressure to “pick a side.” One listener was surprised to realize how much people deeply disliked her spouse. The divorce made that clear in awkward ways, like only inviting the kids on “her” weekends or insisting she handle the logistics even on “his” weekends so things ran smoothly. And then there was the bright side: some listeners found revived support in childhood friends instead of current friends, even those they hadn’t been close with for years. One listener said these reconnections came with validating comments such as friends noticing she finally seemed more like herself again. One listener said,
What struck me most—both in talking with Hope and in reading listeners’ stories—is how divorce doesn’t just change a marriage status. Some friendships stretch, some break, and some slide into a new “category” that is more distant than you would have predicted. The closest friendships seem to be the ones that can withstand honest, hard conversations, shifting roles, and the awkward parts in the middle where nobody knows what to say or do (and forgiveness is granted for that reality). Steady Presence Goes a Long WayIf you’re going through a divorce, I hope this episode reminds you that the loneliness so many described is a common part of this major life transition and you’re not alone in that experience. And if you’re watching a friend go through it, don’t underestimate how much it matters to keep showing up, even in small, practical ways. A text. A question. An invitation. Steady presence goes a long way. As always, I’d love to hear your experiences. This community learns from each other. Listen to episode #176 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts! This week’s Dear Nina Sponsor!Whether you’re in middle school or middle age, The Scott Fenwick Diaries lets you appreciate both the hilarity and heartbreak of that first middle school crush. It’s a book about mothers and daughters, sisters and brothers, neighbors and besties, feisty grandmas and ultimately growing up on your own terms. 5 Star Amazon Review: “The Scott Fenwick Diaries” is laugh-out-loud funny and deeply relatable as it chronicles the chaos and comedy of first crushes, embarrassing family members, and life as a middle schooler. For adults…it’s a reminder of just how weird, wonderful, and formative those years really were.” Find The Scott Fenwick Diaries on Amazon, Bookshop.org, or any of these links on Kristin’s website. DEAR NINA LIVE IN MINNEAPOLIS: JULY 2026
I don’t have the exact date yet in late July, but the next DEAR NINA LIVE event is coming! If you know a business that would like to be on a short list of sponsors for a special night out to celebrate the importance of friendship and 5 years of the podcast, send them my way! (ninabadzin@gmail.com) The event won’t be recorded like it was last year in Chicago. You will have to attend! I’m SO excited to do something “off the record” with my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs. This will be FUN! Two Anonymous Letters You Might Have Missed
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them! Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | My Website You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. Frustrated with some of your friends? You’re not alone! The anonymous letters are a perk for paying subscribers. You probably have a similar question. Upgrade any time for the full archive.
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Wednesday, 10 December 2025
How Divorce Changes Your Friendships
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