National Personal Space Day
Today, Nov 30 is National Personal Space Day which promotes kindness toward sensitivities and supports healing and self-protection by recognizing everyone's right to decide when and how to be touched. This got me to thinking about an incident where a well-meaning sighted person didn't respect my space. It happened during my early days of blindness when I was taking rehabilitation training. I was standing with my white cane at the corner of an intersection waiting patiently to cross.
Don't Grab My Arm
I was using what my mobility instructor had told me about the traffic signal and how to listen to the flow of traffic. A man came up and asked me if I needed help to cross the street. I politely declined and said, "no thank you." However, next thing I knew he was grabbing my arm and literally dragging me across the street. I was in shock. I was angry. I felt humiliated. I felt embarrassed. Did I not tell this man that I didn't need any help?! Yet he took it upon himself to "assist" me anyway.
Since I was fairly new to vision loss and had never had that happen to me I didn't know how to handle it. By the time I got my mental Barings together the situation was over and the man was gone. So, how do you protect your personal space? How do you effectively communicate your physical boundaries? If you are a sighted person reading this post, do you know how to respect a blind person's space? Do you know when to assist and when not to?
If you don't have clear and confident answers to these questions, then keep reading. My goal is to help blind people assert themselves while being polite. NO need to get nasty if a person is genuinely trying to help. After all, there are still kind people in the world. Now, for sighted folks. I want to share how to act even if you strongly feel you should do the opposite.
Perkins Personal Space Tips
Below are 4 tips from the Perkins School for the Blind to help sighted people be respectful of personal space.
1. Ask first. Just like in my example above, it's jarring for anyone to be unexpectedly grabbed or pulled, especially if they are blind. By asking, you give the blind person a chance to accept or decline your help.
If your help is accepted, offer your arm, tell the person you have done so and allow them to grasp your arm just above the elbow. That makes it easier for the person to feel your movements and follow on their own terms.
If you are turned down, don't get offended. In most cases it has nothing to do with you personally. The blind person wants to handle the situation independently and/or just be left alone. Don't assume that all blind people need help all the time. Many of us can handle things if just given a chance.
2. If you see someone who is blind or has low vision in imminent danger, be calm and clear when you warn the person. Otherwise you could unintentionally frighten them and cause more harm. Don't just snatch and yank them away from the danger. Instead, Use specific language such as "there's a large pothole right in front of you," or "the sidewalk in front of you is blocked for construction" instead of "watch out!"
3. Also, use directional language such as "to your left" or "directly behind you" rather than "it's over here." Remember using directions in relation to other things doesn't work for the blind.
4. I don't have one but my guide dog friends will appreciate this tip. Never pet or distract a working guide dog. These dogs are busy directing their owners and keeping them safe. Distracting them makes them less effective and can put their owners in danger.
If you want to engage with a guide dog ask the owner's permission first. Be sure they are comfortable and okay with the interaction.
More Tips
Here's a couple more tips on respecting personal space.
5. Don't move around items in a blind person's home or office space. I know it can be tempting to spruce up the area, but don't do it. First this is not respectful. Second we memorize where are belongings are located. If you move things around and don't say anything we will have no idea and will struggle unnecessarily to find it.
6. Verbally communicate hugs and hand shakes. Too many times I have had people hug me when I had no idea what was happening. As a result my body was on the defense and became rigid and stiff. It is not that I don't enjoy personal touching like hugs, I just don't know what is happening. Just say, "can I give you a hug?" Then I am ready to receive that warm embrace.
Much like hugs I verbally assert myself when shaking hands. I know that people might be uncomfortable and not sure what to do. So, I verbally communicate I want to shake your hand while extending it out. I perform this technique for both sighted and blind people.
Share Your Suggestions
I know I didn't cover every scenario so I am asking my blind and low vision friends for help. If you are blind, how do you handle well-meaning and sometimes overly zealous people who want to help you? What tips or suggestions can you share to maintain your dignity and self-respect when people go overboard? Share your view in the comments and let's talk about how to respect a blind person's personal space.
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