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Thanks for dropping by!
Welp, I felt like I had my brain back for about two weeks, maybe three, once our kids were back in school, and then our family quarantine threw me into a bit of survival mode that I haven’t quite emerged from. We’re still watching one of our kids to see if there are any lingering effects of COVID, so brain space to write feels… limited. My goal is to always share what I’m processing and how it intersects with prayer. Lately, the big thing has been how to let go of troubling thoughts, and I’ll share a bit more about that after this week’s featured links: Dear White Peacemakers Check out this featured review of Osheta Moore’s book Dear White Peacemakers on the Englewood Review’s site. She’s a contemplative peacemaker leading the way in reconciliation. 6 Rules for Our Second Pandemic Winter Basically, the vaccines are working, but we need to understand math in order to correctly assess what’s going on with the rising infection rates. This article is helpful for people like me who can’t math. The Power of Solutions Journalism Do you have a hard time reading or listening to the news? I sure do. This podcast shares how journalists are still doing the hard work of reporting on what’s wrong in the world while also including information about who is working on proven solutions. This was unexpectedly encouraging to me. And now, on to the newsletter! ------------------------------------------ Each week during this pandemic I’ve expended a good deal of time and energy taking stock of my thoughts, recording my thoughts, analyzing my thoughts, and letting go of my thoughts. Moments of fear, anxiety, and worry aren’t the sort of things I welcome or plan to have. They’re the sort of thing that hits like a sudden wave rising out of the ocean and knocking you off your feet. I’ve found any kind of condemnation for fear, anxiety, and worry to be very unhelpful and even damaging because if we feel guilt and shame, we likely won’t untangle the very issues beneath these thoughts that afflict our minds. This is where prooftexts about anxiety and worry or the “Fear Not!” sunset memes on social media fail us. Letting go of anxious thoughts and worries is an imperfect process, but I’ve found that it’s often the case that I’m the one holding onto the thoughts rather than the thoughts taking hold of me. That can be empowering because I’m suddenly not helpless in the face of my anxious thoughts, but that also means I need to take ownership of what’s going on in my head. This week we’ve had additional worries about one of our kids after our COVID quarantine, and it’s hard to know which thoughts to deal with first. I’m frustrated at the vaccine resistant in our community, I’m angry at the politicians leveraging division over the pandemic for power, I’m tired of worrying about the health and safety of our kids, and I’m weary from thoughts that we may never get out of this stagnating medical and political mess. Somehow I need to keep being present for my family, keep showing up to work, and keep serving at my church under the weight of these uncertainties and threats. Despite the weight all of these thoughts add to my life, they aren’t my life. They aren’t my reality per se. All of these situations beyond my control may be worthy of concern and thought, but they are not the sum of myself. Maybe that sounds a little vague, mystical, or spiritual. How does knowing “I am not my thoughts” help us deal with the afflictions that pass through our minds? There was a time when I wouldn’t have known what to do with that question. I had spent so much time in my own head reacting to my thoughts that it seemed almost impossible to step back from them. But there is a space between what’s in my head and the reality of the moment where God is present with me. Oftentimes my thoughts dwell on the past that I can’t change, on the future that I can’t always predict, and on situations beyond my control. A lot of my busy headspace is generated from a desire to do what I can’t, and letting go of my thoughts can feel a bit scary and even like I’m losing power… or losing something. That emptiness and powerlessness is where I can meet God. So much of my anxiety, worry, and fear is rooted in sources that are beyond me. The more I can let go of my thoughts, the more I can be present right now for what God desires to do in and through my life. I don’t share any of that because it’s easy or a quick fix. In fact, it’s still challenging after a lot of practice. It feels like each day isn’t just an opportunity to receive new mercies from God but to endure new challenges in life. Each day is a choice to live in my head and to treat my thoughts as myself, as my reality vs. viewing my thoughts as something to release to God in faith and hope. That daily challenge to release my thoughts and to stop living in my head requires awareness and intention. There is an energy called upon to do that, and even if I turn to God in faith and trust in God’s power, the willpower to make that choice can still suck up energy. Many of us are persevering at this moment, but many of us are tired—quite tired right now. Yet, if we remain in our heads and further animate our thoughts, we’ll never find relief, let alone renewal. By separating the present moment from the thoughts swirling in our heads, we have an opportunity to become grounded once again in the loving presence of God that gives us hope and comfort even as the intensity of the present moment remains. Thanks for reading, Ed
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