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Stop Listening to Your Bully Brain: September Challenge

How to quiet self-doubt, flip the script, and take small actions toward stronger friendships.

Nina Badzin

Sep 4

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Every month on Dear Nina (the podcast) I offer a small challenge to deepen/revive the friendships already in our lives OR to make new friends. I say “our” because I do the challenges too. You can see the January - August challenges here.

September’s challenge is unlike the others because it’s pushing for a thought-pattern change at least once this month. Most of the challenges focus on an action like planning a night out, starting a new friendship ritual, pursuing a hyper-local friendship, or changing where you spend time with friends. (All previous monthly assignments!)

For September: Listen to your “bestie brain”

This month’s Dear Nina Friendship Challenge taps into the fresh-start energy of September to help you quiet the “inner bully” telling you you're awkward or not desired. For the next few weeks, I want you to dial up your “inner bestie.”

This idea came from Leslie Randolph, certified coach and TEDx speaker, who helps adults, tweens, and teens cultivate self-confidence that sticks.

Leslie joined me for episode 162 of Dear Nina. We broke down self-confidence as a skill. We encouraged listeners to take courageous friendship steps even with fear present. And we discussed practical ways to reframe the stories you tell yourself so you can make and keep adult friendships at any stage of life.

Here is the September assignment (or do it any month you’re reading this!)

Catch a negative story you're telling yourself about a friend (or potential friend).
Flip the script to a generous story or a neutral one. Leslie spends time in the episode pointing out that if we’re telling ourselves untrue negative stories, we can choose to tell ourselves not-yet-true positive ones or at least neutral ones. Example: Turn “Nobody will talk to me” to “I will find a few people to chat with and they will like me.” OR, at least turn it into, “I will talk to a few people and it will probably be fine.” Why not!?!?! It’s a great point!
Remember that assumptions aren’t facts. Two extremely unhelpful thought habits you can catch yourself doing: mind-reading and predicting the future.
BONUS FOR THE MONTH: take one small courageous friendship action now that you’ve told the “bully brain” you need a break from her harassment. (Send a text, an invitation, join the class or “thing” you’ve been curious about.)

Other highlights of episode 162 to help you:

Push past fear. Your willingness to feel uncomfortable feelings such as nerves, doubt, and potential rejection is the price of admission for the connections you want. Self-confidence grows when you take action despite your fears. Leslie explains this so well in the episode! You will love her.
Accept responsibility for your connections. I loved when Leslie said, “It’s my responsibility for people to get to know me.” Waiting for others to go first can mean waiting forever.
Borrow beliefs. While you build your own self-confidence evidence file, you can borrow beliefs from loved ones, mentors, or a coach. I told a story about my Grandma Pauline’s belief in me and Leslie told one about her mom.
Offer yourself instead of only asking questions. Share pieces of your life proactively instead of waiting for people to ask.
Consider the risk of rejection vs. regret. Rejection stings, but it passes; regret lingers longer.

Let me know how it goes!

REMINDER: You can start the 2025 challenge any time. Each month is meant to stand alone and you don’t need an entire month to accomplish any of them. Come back and let me know how it went no matter when you try that month’s “assignment.”

Hit reply to this email and share your progress with any month’s challenge
Or pop into the Dear Nina Facebook group where we compare notes, celebrate small wins, and troubleshoot friendship issues together.

Two anonymous questions you might have missed

"What if MY kid is the mean one?"

Nina Badzin

Aug 11

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"My friend overshares my information"

Nina Badzin

Jul 9

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Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!

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