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Four BIG Friendship Lessons

Humility, accepting awkwardness, redefining reciprocity, & feelings about friend groups

Nina Badzin

Jul 23

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It’s the four-year anniversary of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! More accurately, it’s been four years of the podcast, but almost 11 years writing formally about friendship in various formats, including as an advice column.

(And more like 20 years if you count the novel I attempted and made some of my closest friends and family read. Sorry, you guys! It was called The Friends of Ivy Stein, a title I still love. Later I turned some of the chapters into published short stories after years-long talks with a few literary agents went south.

What’s my point? I’ve been researching, writing about, and discussing the ups and downs of friendship for A LONG TIME. But by far the most intense period has been these last four years of interviews and solo episodes, about making, keeping, and losing friends.

In four years, I built this thing from a handful of regular listeners to a top 1% podcast. I’m very proud of that! I’m grateful to all of my fantastic guests and the listeners who tune in, write questions for the show, and participate in the Dear Nina Facebook group with your friendship dilemmas and your favorite current books and shows.

Four Friendship Lessons from “Dear Nina” (the podcast)

In the latest solo episode, I discussed the top four lessons I’ve learned about friendship in the past four years. The episode goes into much more detail with examples, but here’s a taste. ⬇️

Humility is a superpower.
If you can hold off on assuming you know someone’s intentions, you’ll solve a lot of problems before they start.
Making friends is always awkward—no matter your age.
Whether you're 9, 32, or 82, you cannot get around having to “put yourself out there.” You cannot avoid the awkwardness of asking for someone’s number or social media handle. New friendship always takes a brave first step. Someone has to make a move. Let it be you.
Redefining reciprocity will change your life.
Friendship efforts are rarely perfectly “equal.” It’s about understanding how someone shows up, not just how often, and not exactly in the way you show up. Since we are all different people with different styles of connecting and different needs, our efforts will never look the same. People REALLY struggle to accept this. (I speak about this often when I’m a guest and spent a good chunk of time on it in the episode.)
Friend groups stir up a lot of feelings.
People want into a “certain group” or any group at all. Or they feel stifled and want out. Or they don’t have one and feel self-conscious about that. They resent their kids being left out of a group. They worry their kids are excluding others. You’re not alone in this. I’m discussing this with my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, in much more detail at our live event next week in Chicago. It will be recorded and shared on the Dear Nina podcast feed in a few weeks. So stay tuned! But the quick lesson is: friend groups are rarely how they appear from the outside.

🎁 Anniversary Favor 🎁

If Dear Nina has helped you in any way—big or small—please share your favorite episode with a friend or on social media. It’s the best way to keep the conversations going, and it means the world to me.

Episode #156: Four Years In: The 4 Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned About Friendship (and 4 About Podcasting Too)

FIND EPISODE #156 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!

Books, Shows, Recipes I’m Into These Days

READING: I’m halfway through My Friends by Fredrik Backman and I’m enjoying it. It’s the first literary novel I’ve stayed with in a while. I’m also halfway through We Might Just Make it After All: My Best Friendship with Kate Spade by Elyce Arons and it’s really good so far. I remember the moment when having a Kate Spade bag was a VERY BIG DEAL. And of course if you know anything about Katy’s story, you know there’s an incredibly tragic moment I just haven’t reached yet in the book. Here is my (mostly) updated 2025 reading list.
TV: I’m watching (and making LOTS of TikToks about) The Gilded Age and loving that show more every week. I’m SO INVESTED. Also watching And Just Like That. As I’ve said each week, it’s not good, but I will watch it anyway. I had to give up on Too Much on Netflix after four episodes. I just don’t get what’s appealing about it at this point.

Two anonymous friendship advice questions & answers you might have missed

"My friend overshares my information"

Nina Badzin

Jul 9

Read full story

"My spouse resents my friend time"

Nina Badzin

May 6

Read full story

Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!

THANK YOU TO Twisted Alchemy cold-pressed juices—THIS WEEK’S DEAR NINA SPONSOR.

I cannot rave enough about Twisted Alchemy’s cold-pressed juices! I’ve cooked with the lemon juice and made cocktails for friends (and family) with several of the other options. Visit https://www.twistedalchemy.com/#dearnina and use code NINA25 at checkout to receive 25% off orders $75 or more, plus free shipping.

Find info about sponsoring Dear Nina episodes and newsletter posts here.

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You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. Frustrated with some of your friends? You’re not alone! The anonymous letters are a perk for paying subscribers. You probably have a similar question. Upgrade any time for the full archive AND for (optional!) quarterly Zoom hangouts with Nina and other paying subscribers.