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Are These Friendship Misconceptions Holding You Back?

Depth, frequency, history, and social media illusions

Nina Badzin

Jun 20

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This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m joined by therapist Jazzmyn Proctor for a rich conversation about friendship misconceptions that might be getting in the way of satisfying relationships.

As someone who often hears about friendship struggles from clients, Jazzmyn brings a grounded perspective to what we think friendship is supposed to look like and how those expectations can leave us feeling disappointed or disconnected.

Some of the ideas we discussed:

Depth ≠ Frequency
Texting every day or seeing each other constantly does not mean a friendship automatically has a deep connection. Depth comes from trust and authenticity.

Quality Time Can (and Should) Evolve
Whether it’s a phone call while running errands or a weekend visit that includes lots of doing nothing, we talked about letting go of the pressure to make every moment together “Instagram worthy.” Presence matters more than performance.

When to Stop Overvaluing History
This was a big one. Just because you’ve known someone for a long time it doesn’t mean the friendship still fits. We explored how nostalgia and guilt keeps us stuck, and how making space for new connections throughout life is important.

Friendship Shouldn’t Feel Like Pushing a Boulder up a Hill
Yes, friendship takes effort, but it shouldn't feel like impossible work. If every interaction becomes difficult, it might be time to assess why you’re holding on so tight.

The Social Media Illusion
Matching outfits, rented boats, curated brunches—it can look like everyone else has a perfect friend group. But as Jazzmyn wisely put it, “Sometimes the more friends I had, the lonelier I felt.” We discussed why fewer, deeper connections is a worthy goal for some people.

FIND EPISODE #151 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!

The 2025 friendship challenge is for everyone!

You can start the 2025 challenge any time. Find all the challenges listed here. Let me know how it went or join us in the Dear Nina Facebook group to discuss the challenges (and more).

LET’S MEET IN HIGHLAND PARK, IL on JULY 31st!

It’s the first ever LIVE podcast recording of “Dear Nina” and it’s in my old hometown. There will also be a meet & greet, drinks, sweets, and shopping for a cause at my favorite store, ENAZ.

The live podcast topic is “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend Group Challenges from Teens to Midlife & Beyond.” Grab your ticket HERE.

Articles and Other Finds About Friendship

I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!

“Is it Time to Walk Away From a Friendship?” by Aileen Weintraub in Provoked by Susan
“How do I Make Friends as an Adult?” by Charles Duhigg
(Both of these links are topics I’ve covered 100000 times, but I like to share others’ thoughts.)

Books, Shows, Recipes I’m Into These Days

Reading: I started My Friends by Fredrik Backman. And here is my (mostly) updated 2025 reading list.
TV: I’m watching season 3 of Ginny & Georgia, which I didn’t like I first, but I’m almost done and it got much better. I’m also watching season 3 of And Just Like That. It’s so corny, but I will never stop watching those ladies, I guess.
Cooking: Truly nothing worth reporting.
Two anonymous friendship advice questions & answers you might have missed
Always the Fringe Friend
Nina Badzin
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Jun 6
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Divorce + Empty Nest and the Desire for New Friends
Nina Badzin
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Jan 23
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Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!
Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | Threads | Twitter | My Website

THANK YOU TO SoonCall—THIS WEEK’S DEAR NINA SPONSOR

Good friendship takes intention—and a little help never hurts! The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic.

Download SoonCall for free!

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You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. Frustrated with some of your friends? You’re not alone! The anonymous letters are a perk for paying subscribers. You probably have a similar question. Upgrade any time for the full archive AND for (optional!) quarterly Zoom hangouts with Nina and other paying subscribers.