Welcome to the new monthly series here (and in the podcast) where I issue a “social wellness” challenge. It doesn’t matter which month you begin since each challenge stands alone and every one of them WILL improve your friendships. Whenever you’re reading this, start today! And it’s free. All you need is a little bit of courage and a willingness to try more than once each month if you don’t get the results you want at first. Why will these challenges improve your friendships?Putting yourself in charge of your social life and your relationships is the key to healthy friendships. That is what each of these challenges aims to do—they will put you in charge. In a healthy, robust social life, or at least a deeply fulfilling one where you feel like you can be yourself, there’s less keeping score, less keeping track, less waiting for invitations, less worrying about how you will be judged, and less moralizing about who should have included you. You, dear reader, are in charge. YOU, will do the including. The January 2025 challenge: See a friend in person this month.I challenge you to see a friend in person this month. Go for a walk, meet for a meal, see Wicked (heavy on the friendship themes) for the second time in the theater or invite a friend to watch it at home now that it’s streaming on several channels. Sign up for a cooking class with a friend; suggest attending an author reading at a bookstore; do a trial class at a new gym with a friend who likes group fitness. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it gets you OFF the text thread and out of the social media “like” and “heart” habit as a replacement for true connection. If you reach out to a few people and they can’t coordinate their schedules this month, reach out to someone else. Onward and upward. No overthinking. No waiting around. No keeping track of who reached out first last time you got together. We need to see our friends in person.Texting all day is not the same. Sending memes back and forth is not the same. Yes, those things keep us connected, and I’m not saying they’re worthless. Both texting and meme sharing is a big part of how we stay in touch with friends these days and that’s the reality. I engage in both activities with local and long distance friends—often! HOWEVER, you must see your local friends in person sometimes to maintain those friendships. And if you want to get closer with a casual friend, that’s only going to happen with some face-to-face time. But Nina, what if I feel like I have no friends?I know this is the case for some readers and that’s how you found me or my podcast. You feel like you have no close friends, or you recently moved and only have long distance friends, or you’re in a stage of life where the friendships you had aren’t working for you anymore. This challenge applies to you more than anyone because it’s how you’re going to restart your social life—one potential friend at a time. I often say when making new friends you’re not looking for “a friend group.” You’re looking for one friend who lifts your spirits and whose spirits you can lift. One potential friend. Not even a close friend at first. One friend. If you feel like you have no friends right now, identify three people in your orbit who you’d like to know better. I MEAN IT. Take the pressure down from “friend” to “someone I’d like to know.” A colleague? A local person from a common Facebook group? Is there someone on another social media platform who always comments on the same posts where you find yourself commenting? Is it time to sign up for an in-person class, workshop, or support type of group where you can be around someone who you’d eventually ask to meet for coffee? Is it time to try a platonic meet-up app like Bumble Bff or Meetup? Could you sign up to volunteer regularly for an organization where you’re working alongside others? Want some accountability for these challenges?Over three years ago I started a Facebook group for the Dear Nina community, and it’s a wonderful, supportive place full of people who like talking about the good and the difficult of friendships. We also talk about books, shows, recipes, and more. I’ll have a thread for each month’s challenge so people can report on how it’s going. We’re here to support you. Let’s do this! #127: The Most Recent DEAR NINA Episode:I recorded a short solo episode explaining the January challenge. I can’t believe I’m on episode #128 for the next one. That number is getting big! FIND EPISODE #127 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts! Articles and Other Finds About FriendshipI see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
Books, Shows, etc. I’m Into These Days
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship. All the social media links are below. Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | Threads | Twitter | Bluesky |My Website Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missed
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you. A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina on Apple Podcasts to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you listen on Spotify, you can leave stars there too! Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. For anonymous friendship dilemmas and my answers, and to show support for my work, become a paying subscriber.
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Sunday, 5 January 2025
Friendship Challenge 2025
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