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The Enneagram and Friendship

I think I'm a 3!? Plus: another season of grudges and apologies

Oct 2

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Fears + Desires and our Friendships

Do you know your Enneagram (personality) type and how your core fears and desires might impact your friendships? I understood very little about anything related to the Enneagram before my Dear Nina episode with Christina S. Wilcox, author of Take Care of Your Friends: An Enneagram Guide to Interpersonal Relationships.

I still have a lot to learn!

Book cover: Take Care of Your Friends by Christina S. Wilcox

I think I’m a 3 on the Enneagram chart? But maybe I’m a six? I only took one quiz, and honestly, all the numbers can be confusing along with terms like “wings” etc. The quiz said three, but after editing the episode with Christina and listening closely, I think I might be a six. Truly, there is so much more to this whole system than we could cover in the episode.

Consider this week’s episode an introduction to the Enneagram and a reminder that each of us is wired differently through nature, nurture, and life’s ongoing experiences.

Understanding ourselves on a deep level helps us become better friends to others because it reminds us how different we all are and hopefully gives us more patience and grace.

The Enneagram is one tool towards that goal.

FIND EPISODE #114 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere else you get your podcasts.

When you’ve hurt your friend’s feelings or a friend has hurt you

Episode #113 (with my mom): Unintentionally Hurting a Friend

So, you’ve unintentionally hurt your friend’s feelings. Or, your friend hurt your feelings, likely not on purpose. My wise mom joins me in this replay episode about forgiveness—asking for forgiveness and wanting apologies from others. We also discussed grudges, forgiving but not forgetting, personal stories of our own pettiness and others’ pettiness, and more.

FIND EPISODE #113 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere else you get your podcasts.

Articles and Other Finds About Friendship

I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!

“Long After ‘Sexually Speaking,’ Dr. Ruth Taught Me About Friendship by Allison Gilbert (who is coming on Dear Nina soon). NYT gift link
“The internet is divided: Rules for moms talking to child-free friends spark a debate” by Rachel Paula Abrahamson in Today.com

Books, Shows, etc. I’m Into These Days

Reading: Soon I’m starting Ina Garten’s memoir on audio! I’m reading Leaving by Roxana Robinson.
See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: Finished Netflix’s Nobody Wants This. I liked the ride a lot, but truly disliked the ending and hope there’s a second season to change my mind. I’m loving the soapiness of Tell Me Lies (second season) on Hulu. Bryan and I are still watching Suits. We’re on season 5.
Cooking: Some of the Rosh Hashanah recipes I’ve made over the years are here. Others are here. This year I’m not hosting the main meals. I’m a guest! But for one of the meals, I’m bringing the caramel apple kugel I’ve been making for the past few years from Adeena Sussman’s book, Shabbat. Here I am making it on a little TikTok video. :)

@dearninafriendship You cannot beat @Adeena Sussman’s Caramel Apple Noodle Kugel Ring from her cookbook, Shabbat. #shanatova #jewishcooking #noodlekugel #kugel

Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship. All the social media links are below.

Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missed

“Should I Revive This 15-year Friendship?”

“Make the First Friendship Move” I promise it’s not weird!

Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.

A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina on Apple Podcasts to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you listen on Spotify, you can leave stars there too!

Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links

You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. For anonymous friendship dilemmas and my answers, and to show support for my work, become a paying subscriber.