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Hello lovely readers,
You may have noticed that I have been quiet on here for a while about myself, other than promoting my new book Arabella and the Worry Cloud.
I have been experiencing some anxiety mainly due to life changes but I have also noticed a phenomenon happening for me, which has been impacting on my emotions in times of difficulties. Social media comparisonitis- otherwise known as comparing your life with
- The perfect family on holiday by the pool for 2 weeks (when you can't afford a 2 week holiday right now and you're struggling to conceive..)
- The perfect family moving into their new big house (your dream)
- The perfect, romantic couple going on constant holidays or travelling the world- looking to the camera without a care in the world
- The beautiful social media influencer who is slim, pretty, successful and earning a fortune doing it.
- The person on Linkedin who has been promoted or got a new job very fast.
I could go on but I won't for fear of sounding like a jealous gremlin (I'm not and don't begrudge anyone their right to happiness, we all should be living happy lives). However, essentially without social media, we wouldn't know so much about other people's life wins, successes, milestones and big moments. But the main issue I find is that while people only tend to share the good parts, they rarely share the grim. This has left me feeling like the life challenges I am facing and other people face are not shown. At times I am guilty of this too- when you want to keep things private because they are overwhelming and no one's business.
But now, I want to open up.I have always loved social media but I have noticed that it impacts on my mental health a lot more. I am deciding to stay away from it more, although I can often be found scrolling at 1am when I can't sleep.
I just want anyone reading this to know its totally OK if being on social media exacerbates your sadness and negative emotions. It's OK if it triggers you because life can be really difficult.
At the start of this year, I experienced job loss and loss of income and my disability benefit was cut too (we are working on this but its been challenging) . I am also dealing with fertility issues and trying to get healthier and lose weight, moving home back to my mums with Rob until I find a new role, trying to find a new full time job (I have been working for my Dad since April but would like to find a new job)...and many other changes and things that are happening in life that are too private to share as they involve others.
Essentially, my life has not been me sitting by a pool in Bali with Rob. I hope for this one day soon 🙂
It's been really hard for multiple reasons. We are lucky to have family support and that we are not homeless or hungry and Rob has a fairly well paid job. Living in London is difficult due to high prices of housing also. One makes a timeline in life and G-d laughs .. and I have learnt to accept this. We started our journey to become parents at the end of 2022 and it hasn't happened yet (most likely due to my PCOS) but we are still early on in the process. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me/us both to provide insight, support and love.
My bipolar is fairly stable and under control. These triggers have not sent me into a major depressive or manic episode. I have struggled with milder depression and anxiety as well as dark, depressive thoughts, and I have had therapy during this time with my amazing therapist which has helped me to process these. Essentially big life changes like job loss, infertility and moving home can trigger episodes but I am lucky that my medicines hold me and I have good support too from family, friends and my therapist.
So essentially, I just want to say that.. challenges are sent to all of us in life. We do not know why, I often think it is to help us in the long term although to be honest I could do without them right now! The challenges make me a lot more anxious. I don't want this to be a sad post.. so here are some positives:
Some positives that have come out of job loss and subfertility:
- I have more time to focus on my blog and my book Arabella and the Worry Cloud , and apply for new roles/ go to interviews
- I have more time for myself- if I need to rest, I can.
- I have learnt what is truly important in life- one main job and looking after myself. I was working 3 jobs plus also working on my blog and book.... it was a recipe for disaster for my health and cortisol levels.
- I have more time to focus on exercise and weight loss and my step challenge, eat better and look after me
- I can enjoy the simpler things and live at a slower pace... although my mind races with lots of ideas.
I hope this post can help anyone struggling with even worse things than I am going through. I know many people struggling with bereavement, worse health issues, sick children etc etc. I just wanted to be honest because I am tired of hiding the bad parts of the past 6 months in particular.
Please let me know if you've read this and find this helpful.
With love,
Eleanor x
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