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Sunday, 8 March 2026
Authors & Allies: Behind the Scenes
The Compliment Your Friend Might Be Waiting For
The Compliment Your Friend Might Be Waiting ForA surprisingly charged friendship dilemma about copying, acknowledgment, and appreciating your friends’ strengths.
This week on Dear Nina I unpacked a friendship dilemma I answered for Real Simple magazine’s Feb/March 2026 issue: How do you handle a longtime friend who copies everything you wear and do—outfits, home decor, and more—but never mentions the inspiration? When I answered the letter for Real Simple, I sidestepped the fashion elements of the question because I’m not a fashion-forward person—at all. Instead, I focused on something else: why had the letter writer let this bother her for 15 years without saying anything? The more I thought about the question, the more it seemed like the issue wasn’t really about clothes or home decor. It was about something quieter: acknowledgment. Sometimes the uncomfortable feeling of being copied isn’t about the item or the idea. It’s about what’s missing underneath it—appreciation, recognition, and basic communication. To explore the parts of this dynamic I had sidestepped—and to widen the conversation to include friends who ask for professional help for free or friends who struggle to give direct compliments—I invited Candace Ourisman, creative director, brand consultant, and founder of Secretly Fancy onto the podcast. Candace lives squarely in the world of personal style and taste. Candace and I talked about why being copied can feel flattering to some people and suffocating to others. Often the difference isn’t the copying itself—it’s how it happens. Candace put it simply: see something, say something. Compliment your friends. Name what you admire about them. Acknowledge their taste, their expertise, their unique way of showing up in the world. A compliment costs nothing, and its absence can be felt more deeply than you might realize. We talked about what under-acknowledgment can look like in everyday friendship. None of this is the stuff of dramatic friendship tension. This lack of acknowledgment rarely leads to a confrontation. Instead, this is the stuff that accumulates over time until something that once felt small starts to feel heavier than it should. There’s a simple fix: Tell your friends what you appreciate about them—their instincts, their taste, their insight, the things they notice that others miss. Let them know when they’ve done something well. You might think they already know. But they might still be waiting to hear it. If you’ve ever wondered where the line is between sharing and feeling copied—or why acknowledgment matters so much in friendship—you can listen to the full conversation with Candace from the links below. Listen to episode #186 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
Books, Shows, Finds, and Guest Podcasts!
Two Anonymous Letters You Might Have Missed
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them! Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | My Website
You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. What do you get if you’re a paying subscriber!** Frustrated with some of your friends? You’re not alone! The anonymous letters are a perk for paying subscribers. You probably have a similar question. Upgrade any time. **Yearly subscribers can email me one detailed friendship issue and I will email you back personally.
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Authors & Allies: Behind the Scenes
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