Lately I’ve been obsessed with one question: how do we get past the catch-up loop (“work is busy, I’m fine”) and into the kind of conversations that deepen friendships?
Three recent episodes of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship centered on this theme of better conversations—and therefore deeper relationships—with our friends.
First, for the October Friendship Challenge, I encouraged listeners to ask their friends MORE questions. Studies show that most people ask fewer questions than they think they’re asking.
In episode #168, I invited award-winning journalist, Jonah Kaplan, to discuss the topic of asking friends (or anyone!) BETTER questions.
And in episode #169, Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, spoke to me about creating small discussion groups with people you’d like to meet or friends you’d like to understand on a different level. Those groups are “salons.”
A salon is not a book club, a fundraiser, mahjong, or pickleball. It’s just a hosted conversation on a topic with a light structure so everyone gets airtime. As Linda-Marie says, it’s “conversations that matter.” And the structure is actually a kindness since it lets people relax while knowing someone is thinking about how and when to move the conversation along.
Reading Linda-Marie’s book inspired me to co-host my own monthly salon (though I didn’t call it that), and we had our first meeting this week. I LOVED IT!
I know not everyone is up for starting a whole new group or joining one. So how can you focus on deeper conversations with friends, immediately, without starting or joining anything?
Jonah’s advice is what you need. In our epsisode, he focused on “upgrading” the questions you’re asking friends and even doing a little bit of prep.
Swap “How was Italy?” for “What are the top two stops you’d recommend?”
Swap “How’s work” for “What does a good workday look like for you right now?”
Keep a mental “set list” in mind before you meet with a friend. (Yes, it’s okay to prep two topics in the car.)
Listen to the episode for more ideas!
Listen to episode #169 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
Listen to episode #168 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
My updated 2025 reading list with pithy reviews is HERE. I’ve been sending those out in a newsletter since 2011. LONG before Substack.
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!
Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | My Website
