To fight loneliness: Communicate your needs, admit your mistakes, + 6 more tipsFor anyone feeling uncomfortable in a social situation, curiosity is a secret weapon for making and keeping friends. Instead of focusing on why people aren’t talking to you, focus on why you want to talk to other people. That’s just one of many tricks Dr. Ruth Westheimer (z”l) taught in her final book, The Joy of Connections. (I discussed seven more of my favorite no-nonsense Dr. Ruth loneliness tips in this week’s episode of Dear Nina.) A Holocaust survivor who at the age of ten was put on a train from Germany to Switzerland to live out the war in an orphanage, Dr. Ruth knew what it was to start over in new, and in her case, terrible, circumstances. Each phase of Dr. Ruth’s life required a new language, new work, and new friends. In The Joy of Connections, written with Pierre Lehu, and this week’s Dear Nina guest, Allison Gilbert, you get advice to let things go and to basically—in my words now, but this was also Dr. Ruth’s vibe— lighten up. She advised not taking yourself so seriously and to give people second chances. Dr. Ruth’s approach puts the seeker of new friends or deeper friendships in the driver’s seat. You can’t control all of your circumstances, but you can control how quickly you’re willing to write someone off for saying “not the perfect thing” at the perfect time. You control whether you apologize to someone who deserves it. You can control whether you wait for people to ask about you, or you go ahead and offer information you want them to know and not assume the worst. All of Dr. Ruth’s advice in this book is to help readers combat loneliness. She did something brave (because not everyone will like this) and taught that if you’re lonely, it’s time to take action. Nobody made new friends or deepened friendships by waiting for people to notice them. Go out there. Be a joiner. Be a planner. Be curious. FIND EPISODE #116 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere else you get your podcasts. MEET ALLISON GILBERT:Allison Gilbert is an Emmy Award-winning journalist and author. She is co-author of The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life with world-renowned therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Find Allison on Instagram, Facebook, and X. The top 8 no-nonsense friendship tips from Dr. Ruth that Allison and I covered in much more detail in the episode:
Articles and Other Finds About FriendshipI see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
Books, Shows, etc. I’m Into These Days
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship. All the social media links are below. Instagram | TikTok | YouTube | LinkedIn | Threads | Twitter | My Website Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missedRoommate Disappointments and (taking our close friends for granted) Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you. A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina on Apple Podcasts to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you listen on Spotify, you can leave stars there too! Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links You’re a free subscriber to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. For anonymous friendship dilemmas and my answers, and to show support for my work, become a paying subscriber.
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